"One year of love is better than a lifetime alone."
-Queen
The journey began in a hospital. I returned from the radiation lab to find a loquacious man in the bed next to mine.
"Hi! Nice to meet you. I'm Duo," he said. He was an attractive young man with a broad grin and hair longer than my own.
"I'm Zechs. Nice to meet you."
Another nurse came in and gave Duo a small bottle, and the first nurse left with her.
I settled in to read the books I had brought with me, but Duo had other plans. He pulled a bottle of vodka from the nightstand, poured two glasses, and offered me one. "No, thank you. It doesn't sit well with my medication."
"Aw, come on... It's not like we're going to live forever, so why not have some fun while we still can?" He downed the glass and refilled it, leaving the second glass near me.
I finally gave in, and I started sipping the drink - vodka was never one of my favorites. I grimaced.
"Hey, Zechs, have you ever been to the ocean?"
"Once, when I was younger."
"What's it like?"
"It's peaceful, quiet."
"Will you take me there?"
Surely he'd had too much to drink, asking a complete stranger to take him somewhere.
"Please, Zechs. It's something I've always wanted to do."
"We're supposed to stay here."
"To heck with that. I want to go. Let's go. Please?"
His voice sounded so hopeful, yet devoid of hope. "Why are you here? I mean, what do you have?"
"I've got a tumor in my brain."
He said it so casually, as if he was telling me he had a cat at home. "I've got leukemia."
"I want to see the ocean." He looked at me, violet eyes pooling with hopeful sorrow.
I've never been able to withstand such begging eyes. "Alright. Let's get out of here."
We made our way to the garage where I had parked my car. Duo suddenly stopped and clutched his head. He fumbled for the bottle the nurse had given him, shook out a pill, and swallowed it without water. I helped him to the car and ensconced him in the passenger seat.
I started driving north. Duo slept in the passenger seat, and I stole a glance. He looked so peaceful. Suddenly fearful, I listened for his breaths. I heard quiet breathing and returned my attention to the road. I yawned. "It's time to find a place to sleep." I drove until I found a town and a hotel. The receptionist gave us odd looks, but she gave us one room anyway. Duo was awake, but the painkillers he had taken had made him a little unsteady, so I helped him down the hall to our room.
Opening the door, I understood the strange looks from the receptionist. The room contained a large, four-poster bed. There was no couch, but the floor looked reasonably comfortable, if I took a pillow and blanket.
He looked at the bed, then at the floor, then at me, then back at the bed. "Looks like we get to share, eh?" He winked.
I swallowed. What were the chances I'd wind up in a hospital room with another gay man? And how could he tell, anyway? "Uh, the floor will be fine," I stammered.
"Come on, sexy. This bed's big enough for both of us." He flashed his grin, and I knew I couldn't resist.
Lying awake waiting for him to wake, I told myself not to fall for him. It was already too late for that, though. He snuggled up to me, and I sighed. I kissed his forehead. "Time to get up, you."
Sleepy violet eyes blinked at me. "Already?"
"They're going to make us leave soon, and I don't know about you, but after last night I certainly need a shower."
"Mind if I join you?"
"Of course not." I don't know if it was his lust for life or his lopsided grin that had reeled me in, and it didn't matter.
We took off again, heading north and west. The German countryside rolled past the windows.
"My brother lives around here," Duo said.
"Would you like to visit him?"
"Could I? It's been a while..." The statement hung in the air, unfinished, for in the act of finishing it, he would invoke his destiny, and, even though he knew his fate and accepted it, superstition stayed his tongue.
"Of course."
Duo rang the doorbell, and a blond came to the door.
"Duo! It's been so long... Come in, come in. Your friend, too."
"Thanks, Quatre."
The brothers caught up, and Quatre must have known about Duo's condition, because when we left, Quatre hugged him as if he knew it would be their last.
"Give my regards to Trowa, okay?"
"Of course. Have fun at the ocean."
We got back in the car, and Duo grabbed his pills. This time he shook out two. The headaches came with increased severity now.
Another night, another hotel, another shared bed and more memories. Morning brought another two-pill headache for Duo. He had three attacks that day. I'd started to worry we wouldn't make it to the North Sea in time. Only two more days until we'd be there.
We stopped for lunch, and I went to a camera shop. I bought one of those single-use cameras. We walked around the town a little bit, and when I found a nice, picturesque spot, I stopped a stranger.
"Would you take a picture of me and my friend?"
"Sure."
We smiled for the camera. "Could you take another, just in case?"
"Of course."
We smiled again. This time I threw my arm over his shoulder, and he rested his head on my chest.
He had taken more pills at lunch. "Will we get to the ocean soon?" he asked me.
"Tomorrow afternoon." I wanted to drive slowly, or stop in towns on the way, but he asked with such urgency.
"Let's get going then, eh?"
We strolled back to the car, and I drove until after dark. Another hotel and more odd looks. This room was not as elegant as the one the first night, but it still had a large bed.
"Duo, I ..." I paused. "I'll miss you."
"I know." He looked at me with his sad eyes. "I want to make the most of this time."
"I don't know if I can." I felt tears sting my eyes and the lump rising in my throat made speech impossible.
He sat down next to me on the bed and held me until I stopped crying. "Zechs, I want to thank you for doing this for me. You didn't have to do this, but you did, and it means so much to me."
What should I say to that? You're welcome? It's no problem? The response I gave surprised me more than it surprised him. "I love you," I said, and I hugged him tighter. "I'll always remember you."
"You make it sound like I'm already dead." He laughed. "Well, I'm not dead yet, so let's give you some great memories," he said, pushing me over.
His logic was infallible.
"Good morning, Zechs."
I blinked up at smiling eyes. "Is it time to get up already? It feels like we just went to sleep."
"We did," he grinned. "But I don't want to have to pay for a second day."
"You're evil, you know that?"
"Yeah. I know." He tossed a pillow at my head, which I dodged, then took more painkillers.
I sighed. We had to make it to the beach today.
We arrived at the North Sea at 3 pm.
"Well, here we are." We walked toward the ocean and sat on the sand.
"It's beautiful. Thank you, Zechs." He laid his head in my lap, and I stroked his hair. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I said, but I don't know if he heard me.
I sat there, stroking your hair. A single silent tear slid down my cheek and dripped onto my hand. The memory of the next few hours is hazy, as if I dreamed it. I must have called an ambulance, because one came for you. I must have given them your brother's address, because he came to the hospital.
Quatre and I planned your funeral. Trowa wished he hadn't been away when you and I visited. He regrets not having been able to see you. I had those photographs developed, and I tucked one into your coffin. The other I framed and keep beside me.
You wouldn't recognize me now. The last year has been hard on me. I've been in the hospital undergoing chemotherapy and radiation treatment, and I've lost a lot of weight, and my hair's fallen out. I refuse to look in the mirror. Instead I look at the photograph of the two of us. Some people may think it would be depressing to constantly look at a picture of yourself, looking infinitely healthier, and your dead lover, but it cheers me. I remember those 3 happy days we spent together. It gives me comfort in these days when merely waking causes pain.
Quatre has become like a brother to me. We've kept correspondence, and he's shared stories about your childhood, like when you were 14 and split your chin playing soccer. He told me about your parents reactions when both of their sons came out as gay, and how you learned about your tumor. I wish I'd been able to hear it from you, that I'd been able to learn these things over time spent together. I am simply thankful for the time we had together.
I've asked to be buried next to you. My sister thinks it's crazy, but she's agreeing to it, and Quatre's arranging it. I'll be seeing you soon.
Monitors screamed in alarm, and a fleet of nurses ran into the room. On the table, under a framed photograph, they found a notebook with a note on the front page. It read "Mail this to Quatre Winner" and gave an address.
"Should we resuscitate?"
"No, he's got a DNR."
"Time of death?"
"3:05 pm."