Disclaimer: The characters belong to Sotsu, Sunrise, Bandai Entertainment, I neither claim them nor certainly make any money off them!
Pairing: 6x2
Rating: Lemony in places
Time Setting: Post-series, three years later (minus events in Ground Zero, Blind Target, Endless Waltz as when I started this, I hadn't seen or read about these yet)
Summary: A chance meeting leads to the recovery of a wounded heart.
About a half hour later, Duo seriously considered just leaving and never coming back. He stood outside Zechs's office door for several minutes, just getting up the courage to go in. [What if he touches me? What if I happen to think about last night and get a hard on? Oh, man, I'd die if that happens...]
He went in. Heart pounding, he looked toward the bowed head of platinum hair. "Hey..."
Zechs looked up from the letter he was reading. "Duo," he greeted the other, waving him to a chair. His smile was careful and practiced. "So what do you think of Peacegarden?"
Duo didn't try to smile. He took a deep breath, remaining standing. "Zechs, you've done a wonderful thing here. It's exactly as an orphanage should be, a warm, healthy place for children to grow up in a safe, loving environment. They're a lucky bunch."
"It's really unfair," Zechs sighed, his gaze dropping already. "I get more out of being here than they do, I'm afraid. I don't have a large staff, but they're great with the kids. I was lucky to find them."
"Yeah," Duo replied lamely. "Ah... Deener..."
Zechs smiled genuinely at last. "Something else, isn't she? We've never learned her real name. 'Deener' comes from 'diner' - all I've been able to determine about her past is that her parents were killed by OZ troops looking for White Fang members. I don't know if they were White Fang or not, though. They could have been the targets for the explosion of the diner, or merely innocents. Apparently she gave herself the name."
"She knows about you," Duo blurted out. "Persistent little creature! She got out of me that we were on opposite sides in the war..." Abashed that he'd said so much about an uncomfortable topic, he turned away. [I don't want to cause you more pain...damn...]
"Yes, I know," Zechs murmured. "She knows more than she should. If only we could keep the innocents from learning the truth about wars... but then they might make our mistakes all over again. Deener has seen too much... just like when we were children." He studied the slim shoulders turned away from him, the young man's shadowed profile. A good part of him wanted to step close to him, wrap his arms around him, and pull Duo back against himself. But he remained seated, maintaining firm control. "Duo, I'm glad you came. I'm quite proud of Peacegarden. There's so much more to do, of course. I will be a long time getting to all the little projects I'd like to do."
Duo heard again the sorrow and the self-hatred in the beautiful voice. [Damn, the pain he lives with... and I think *I've* got problems leaving the past behind... if only I could take some of that from him, ease his mind a little. It wouldn't be much, but it would be something. If only I wasn't some little scumbucket of a colonist. Hmmm...]
The seeds of a plan began to germinate.
"Yeah, well, you can never solve all the problems of the colonies, Zechs, that's for sure," Duo murmured, turning back around with his arms folded over his chest, affecting a nonchalant attitude.
"Then I will spend the rest of my life solving as many as I can," Zechs murmured, his gaze not quite meeting the other's eyes. "The colonies are my home now."
Duo stared at him, trying to ignore the ache in his heart. "You don't think you'll ever go back to Earth? What about your sister?"
Zechs snorted wryly. "There is nothing for me there any longer... and why do you think she would have anything to do with me now? Besides, she doesn't even know I'm alive."
[Oh, right] Duo realized. "Well, you need someone - hell, everyone needs to have someone around to be connected to," he countered, frowning. [Hell, yeah, like me... and I'll become the person you need in your life if it kills me, Zechs Merquise.] "Like the people here..."
The tall man stood suddenly and came to the side of his desk, not quite approaching Duo. "They will survive quite well when I move on from here - they have each other. They do not need me."
Duo's heart jumped at the increased proximity. "You've got to be kidding - they love you, Zechs! Those kids worship the ground you walk on..."
"Which they should never do!" Zechs interrupted, a flush of anger running through the handsome face. "I want no worship of any kind!" Then he subsided, lowering his gaze. "Forgive me; I still have a temper, it seems."
"It's okay," Duo said lamely, clutching his arms tighter to himself, resisting the urge to reach out to touch Zechs. Just a touch, a reassurance, a hope for a future... but he knew now was not the time for that. [I got work to do,] he mused.
But to his shock, Zechs neared and placed light fingertips on his shoulder, though he still did not look directly into his eyes. "Duo, I hope you find much happiness and joy in your life," he whispered in a lowered voice that sent shivers rippling up the younger man's spine. "There is a sweet purity about you that will serve you well and attract others to you. I have confidence that you'll come out on top in any endeavor you attempt."
[Oh, shit, can he possibly not know what he's doing to me?] Duo thought and gulped. [Nobody's ever called me 'sweet' and nobody the hell ever called me 'pure'! What the hell is he thinking of?] "Th...thanks," he murmured, then, because he could not resist it, he looked up into Zechs's eyes... and felt a jolt of heat when the look was returned.
[He's absolutely wonderful,] Zechs thought, daring to look a last time into the wide, indigo depths of Duo Maxwell's expressive eyes. [I would cherish one such as this forever and he would heal me, but I cannot risk sullying his purity with my shame,] he considered, feeling the ache of regret sink into his bones.
Then, it happened again - the lance of want racing between then. Zechs, perfectly in control now, closed his eyes against it briefly, making himself turn his face away, his hand dropping again to his side. Duo almost gasped, scrabbling for composure and mostly succeeding, though suddenly he could hardly breathe.
"Good-bye, Duo," the deep, resonant voice murmured with suppressed tenderness. "Take care." Then Zechs swept past him out of his office.
Duo, his knees feeling weak, leaned back against the edge of the desk, bracing himself with his hands. [Shit, fuck, hell, what was THAT?] He was gulping air, his heart racing. [Oh, I'm lost... in the best way imaginable, though I've entered my own hell if I can't make this work... what am I going to do?] But he knew that, or at least he knew where to start.
Shoving off from the desk, he took a couple deep breaths, then left the office, intending to get started on his plan. But he was intercepted by a worried looking Miss Cherry before he got a few steps.
"Duo, Mr. Peacecraft just told me he's leaving the colony on business," the woman informed him, frowning. "Do you know anything about that?"
Leaving the colony! Duo fought a sudden itch to go run to Zechs's house, stop him, but he immediately shrugged off the foolish notion. If Zechs needed to get away from him, he couldn't blame him, but surely the man would come back - he had ties here, even if he didn't want to acknowledge them. Duo could still implement his plan. "Nah, he never said a word to me," Duo muttered, affecting nonchalance again.
Cherry looked at him shrewdly. "Strange, though... you coming to visit him here and all of a sudden he has to leave the colony..."
"Yeah?" Duo laughed, hoping he didn't sound too nervous. "Funny how those coincidences happen, isn't it? Well, I gotta be going, too. Nice to meet you, Miss Cherry. See ya..." He took a couple steps closer to the door.
"Are you coming back?" the woman asked suddenly, halting his progress. "The children really like you... and with Mr. Peacecraft gone, we could use some extra help. In fact, we're short on staff anyway. I was going to advertise for an assistant..."
"Yeah?" Duo perked up. [This is perfect! Things are lookin' up...] "Well, now, as a matter of fact, I just happen to be between jobs and was starting to look for one when I ran into my old pal, Peacecraft." He hoped his smirk didn't look too faked. "I suppose I could lend a hand here - sure beats hauling junk... um, this is a paying job, right?"
"Yes," Cherry said breathlessly. "Really, you'll work here?"
"Sure thing," Duo replied, grinning. [And Deener will run circles around me, but I'm sure I can handle one nine-year-old girl...]
"Oh, that's marvelous!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. At the end of the corridor she spied the children leaving their classes for lunch. "Children, guess what?" she called excitedly.
[Oh, shit, here it comes,] Duo thought, but he was still grinning.
Even after being tackled to the ground.
At the end of the day, as Duo was finally going to leave Peacegarden - just for the day now - he was intercepted again before he could get out the door. Deener, her face long, most likely because her beloved Papa Peace was gone, came and slipped her arms around his waist to give him a hug... uncharacteristically silent.
"Hey, Deener," Duo said softly to her, returning the hug. "Are you glad I'm going to be hanging around here for a while?"
She nodded, her face pressed against his stomach. "Papa Duo," she murmured finally.
"Yeah?"
Deener lifted her face to his. Were her eyes a little red? "Why did Papa Peace leave us?"
Duo was ready for this question; given Zechs's precipitous departure, the children would have to be told something. "Deener, you know there were many children in the colonies who lost their parents in the war... Papa Peace is going to start another Peacegarden on another colony. So more children will have a home if they need one." It wasn't a lie; Zechs very likely was going to do exactly that, wherever he'd gone. Duo knew by now there were five "Peacegardens", each on different colonies. But there were plenty more colonies, of course.
"But this is his home," Deener muttered, sniffling. "And why wouldn't he say good-bye?"
[Zechs, you really should have,] Duo thought, wondering how to salvage this. Then a thought hit him. [He was in too much pain to say good-bye... did he know I'd stay?] "Deener, sweetie," Duo replied finally. "Saying good-bye is hard for him. He wanted to stay, but he had to go. So... he told me to say good-bye for him." [You told a lie,] Duo thought, frowning, even as he hugged the girl tighter and kissed the top of her head. [You never tell lies...]
Deener pulled out of his arms to look up at him. "Papa Duo," she murmured, her gaze turning skeptical. "you're fibbing..."
"Er... well, so I did," he replied, uncomfortable. "If he'd thought of it, I know he would have wanted me to say good-bye for him!"
"I know why he didn't," she said in a small voice. "He was hurting again."
Duo had not been expecting something like that from a little girl, but then after a moment he realized he should have from this perceptive little imp. "Um... again?" he prompted.
Deener stood apart from him now, her arms wrapped around herself, gently rocking from side to side. "He's not a happy man," she replied softly. "He thinks that it will hurt us if we see him like that. So when he starts feeling bad, he usually just goes home. I guess he was just hurting more than usual. I tell him he needs to be with us to make it stop, but he just shakes his head, then he gets this *look* on his face."
Something was starting to click in Duo's mind. "What look is that?" he asked, trying to picture what she could be referring to.
The girl heaved a great sigh. "Papa Duo, I know I'm just a little pipsqueak, but I know him. I told you I know what he did in the war - the killing. And... the Earth." She reached out and touched a painted flower on the mural beside the wall where she stood. "He thinks he's evil and he worries that he will make us become like he was."
"What??" Duo asked, stunned. He came down to her level, stooping with one knee to the floor. "You think he thinks of himself as evil?" [Something is starting to make sense here... this is why he ran from me twice today, not because... oh, shit...]
She nodded solemnly. "Papa Peace thinks he's a monster. That's why he helps children, to make up for the bad he's done. But he's not a monster at all, Papa Duo! He's a good, loving man. We all love him dearly here."
"But he has no love in his heart for himself," a voice behind them spoke up. It was Cherry, who had been listening. "When Milliardo Peacecraft came to C-241 four months ago to found this orphanage, I was at first skeptical... until I saw him with the children. He's nothing but loving and caring around them... but I see his face when he's away from them and doesn't think I'm looking his way. Deener, too, sees - not much gets past her!" She winked at the girl, who smiled a little. "He has times, I believe, in which he is deeply depressed. At those times he just goes home, as Deener told you. And sometimes he does hold himself back a little from us." Cherry sighed.
"He thinks he's going to hurt us," Deener said again with another sniffle.
Duo patted her arm, feeling like his world had turned upside down -again. [It's not me, then, it's not because I'm a street rat,] he thought, relieved, but dismayed all the same. [He won't let me near him because he thinks he'll end up hurting me! And of course every time he looks at me he'll remember the war... ohshitohshitohshit...] He took a deep breath and stood up, taking Deener's hand. "I got something to tell you," he murmured to them both. "But not here."
They went inside Zechs's office and closed the door. Duo tugged on his bangs, making him flop into his eyes all the more as he began to pace. "Deener got it out of me this morning - Mr. Peacecraft and I did fight on opposite sides of the war. And I think... I must remind him of it, though of course we're not enemies anymore. That... might be why he left." He bowed his head, contrite. "I'm so sorry."
Cherry shook her head firmly. "Don't be, Duo! Mr. Peacecraft doesn't need your help to remember that damn war. He won't let himself forget anyway. That man worries me."
"Maybe you should go after him?" Deener asked, her eyes wide. "We love him! Maybe you could tell him that? Tell him we need him to come back?"
Duo smiled down at the little girl, and tapped at her nose with a fingertip. "He'll be back. Don't ask me how I know, but I know. We need to let him have a little space right now, then he'll come home. You'll see!"
Cherry looked dubious, but Deener was reassured, trusting in her new friend. She gave Duo another hug, then ran off to join the other children who were at supper.
Duo smiled, watching her go, then turned back to see Miss Cherry studying him. "What?"
"You care for him, too," she murmured, arms folded. "I can see that. So, you have a plan?"
[Gotta watch myself around this one, too,] Duo thought. The woman didn't miss much, but how much exactly had she guessed? "Sure I got a plan! Well, actually two... but for now, we just let Mr. Peacecraft go. Meanwhile, I'll help out here. And I think I could even be of help in teaching the kids - not poker, but perhaps a class in self-defense? Always good to have, and I'm pretty good at that sort of thing." [They won't be needing classes in demolition and stealth infiltration and mobile suit mechanics and flying, that's for sure.] "And... well, whatever else I think of." He gave her his best Duo grin, hoping to forestall any probing questions about his relationship to her boss.
As he'd hoped, she melted. "Oh, that would be very useful! Especially if they ever go to Earth. It's a lot more quiet in the colonies, you know."
[Geez, where has she been?] "Er, for the most part, but there are rough types about in places." He was reminded of the street gangs he'd dodged aplenty in his childhood. "Or do you think Mr. Peacecraft would object? It's not something a pacifist would teach their own children, though I'd argue against that myself." [At least I think he's a pacifist now... isn't he? Aren't we all?] Duo thought about the necessities of the past which led to his own involvement with the colonial rebels who developed the Gundams. [It depends on the need...]
"I don't think he would object," Cherry replied thoughtfully. "Although it's not something I can see him teaching them himself. But we'd love it if you would. So that's your plan? Just to stay and work here... for now?"
He could tell she was bursting with curiosity, but Duo wasn't about to enlighten her further. "Sure, what else?" Actually his original plan had been to improve himself so that Zechs wouldn't see him as such a street urchin. If he did a few more scrap hauling jobs and with the pay here, he could get his basic school certification and then take some classes at the local university. That way Zechs would never feel that Duo was some sort of charity case to be looked after. [Even if he really doesn't mind what I am... I want to do it anyway. That's plan A. Plan B will have to wait until he gets back. Then we'll all go to work on him to get his mind off that damn war and into the present where it belongs... with us... with me...]
Cherry recognized the body language: "don't ask, not yet", and backed off, smiling. It would be enough just to have the lively young man helping. [And if he's got something else in mind for the future,] she thought, [I'll wait for that to become clear.] "Well, we sure are glad to have you here, Duo," she replied. "I guess we'll see you tomorrow!"