Heero woke to a thousand hammers on his skull. Noting the empty bottle lying next to his bed, he slowly stood up. Despite the movement of the floor below him, he went to shower, stopping to take a few pain tablets on his way. This is getting to be a habit. He washed his hair, the hot water washing away his feeling of dirtiness, at least temporarily.
What do you believe?
I look just like you
Heero walked into the classroom and took his seat, trying not to look absolutely miserable. At least the painkillers were starting to kick in. He heard familiar footsteps enter the classroom. Please don't be loud today. Please.
"Good morning, Heero." Duo sat down behind him and patted his shoulder. Leaning closer, he whispered, "You look a little rough today. I think you should get some more rest."
"I'm okay," Heero lied. He willed the start bell to ring so the teacher could begin class.
At lunch, Heero sat with his friends again. His hangover was diminishing enough that he could force himself to eat, but Duo's ever-cheerful presence was doing nothing to revive his dulled spirits.
Take your misery
It's all that I can feel now
Duo. He's all I think about. It's hard to just be his friend when I want him as more.
Forgetting your way too
I'll take you everywhere
He shouldn't be with Zechs. He should be with me. Besides, I had him first. I just need to show him he's on the wrong path. A voice brought him back from his thoughts.
"Heero, it's time for class." Duo's hand was on his shoulder.
"Oh. Let's go." He stood up, and they went to class.
I'll beg you, I'll save you
I'll make you everything
Heero sat with Duo outside, waiting for Zechs. Duo didn't seem to mind. Zechs, on the other hand... Heero could tell he didn't like it much.
"Duo?"
"Yeah?"
"I miss you." I can't express how much I do. "I'm changing. I..."
"Heero, please. Stop. I said I could back off and give you time to sort things out, and I'll still do that, if you want." He looked pleadingly at Heero.
Heero looked down. "I'm sorry." I'll have to try something different, then.
"It's okay. Just please, don't try to win me back. I'm not some prize." He sighed.
"Hello, Duo, Heero."
Neither of them had noticed Zechs come up behind them.
Bastard. How long have you been standing there? How much did you hear? Heero grumbled, "Hi, Zechs."
Duo, on the other hand, had jumped up and grabbed Zechs around the waist. "How was your day?"
"It was fine." He turned to Heero. "How are things going for you, Heero?"
"I'm doing fine." He still hadn't turned around. He didn't want to see.
"That's good. We should be off. I'll see you tomorrow, I guess." If Zechs was angry with Duo's choice of people to wait with, his tone did not show it.
"Yeah." Heero didn't let his dislike (No, it's jealousy. Admit it.) of the statuesque blond invade his tone. He returned to his room, where he perfunctorily did his homework before starting to make a battle plan.
So let me be the one to clear your eyes
I am the one to tear down your disguise
Come get it
I want to be the one who makes his eyes sparkle like that. I want him to smile for me, and only me. He thought about what tactics he could use to try to win Duo's heart back and decided which to try first and which to use as fallbacks.
He looked longingly at his alcohol cupboard, but he restrained himself from opening it. "Can't do this with a killer headache." Seeing that it was only 8 o'clock, he decided to go for a short run. It's a good way to clear one's head. And I could stand some exercise. All this sitting around is making me lazy.
As he ran from his dorm across campus, past ancient brick buildings covered with moss and ivy, through paths between ancient trees that loomed over him, he thought. He thought about Duo, about how he could brighten the mood of any room with the mere act of walking through the door. He thought about his voice, its sound almost musical on his ears. Noting that it would be dark very soon, he turned around and started back. He was prepared for tomorrow.
Your voice cannot speak
Pour me over you
"Good morning, Duo! How's it going?"
Duo stared and was shocked into silence. "Heero?"
He was grinning broadly, an expression no one had seen on his face before. "Yeah, it's me. I went out jogging last night, and I decided the gloomy, sullen old me wasn't any fun. So I made him go away."
Duo stared.
When Quatre and Trowa came in, Heero greeted them with a "Hey, guys! How's it going?"
Trowa nearly fell over in shock. Quatre smiled and said, "Good morning, Heero."
I hope the bell rings soon. This grin is killing me.
I'm torn inbetween
There's nothing that you can do.
At lunch, Heero took up a long, mindless conversation with Duo. He hoped his plan would work.
Waiting on the grass after school, Heero kept cheerful conversation with Duo. "What did you think of that pop quiz in history?"
"It sucked. I hate pop quizzes. And they always happen when I didn't do my reading. Zechs treated me to a bubble bath with candles, and we sorta lost track of time."
Heero flinched mentally. You can't expect to change his mind the first day. Give it time. "That sounds like fun. I never knew you liked bubbles." There are so many things I don't know about you. I need to find out.
"Yeah. It's fun. You get to splash around in a tub and make silly bubble sculptures... Okay, so Zechs didn't like the splashing much, so I quit, but he took the bubble hat I gave him rather well." He smiled. "Heero, I'm glad you've stopped being gloomy. You're so much more fun when you're not sitting there like a stone."
He felt hope rising, but he forced it back down. It's too early. "Oh, look. He's coming."
Duo stood up. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, huh?"
"Yeah." Zechs' gaze was leveled at him. He looked back, unfazed. Think you see my game? Good for you.
Zechs embraced Duo and kissed him on the cheek. Then he turned to Heero. "You look well today."
"Thanks."
"Well, I'll see you later, then."
"Yep." Heero noticed a slip of paper that Zechs let fall from his hand as he turned and walked with Duo to his car. Heero waited until they'd gone then walked over and picked it up. Meet me during lunch, by the boy's locker room. "I'll be there."
I'm betting you're into
You're into more than me.
In his room, Heero thought about a stage 2 of his current plan. He'd come up with backup plans in the event that acting happy acting like Duo. Admit it. didn't work, but he realized he eneded a second step for this plan. Great idea. Hmm, he goes to drama club on Wednesdays. I think I'll surprise him then. It was Tuesday. He'd be able to go tomorrow.
I'll beg you, I'll save you
I'll make you everything
So let me be the one to clear your eyes
I am the one to tear down your disguise
Come get it
I swear, Duo. This time, I'll do it right. I'll pay attention to you. I'll do everything differently. You'll see. I just need to get you back from him.
Heero ate his lunch quickly, claiming he had a meeting. "I'll be in class, okay?"
"Uh, sure. See ya." Duo blinked at Heero's retreating back.
Outside the locker room Zechs was waiting. "You decided to join me, I see."
"I had to eat my lunch. I am human, you know."
"Let's cut the act, okay? I can tell you're trying to get Duo away from me. It makes me seethe seeing you with him. But Duo is willing to give you a chance at friendship, and I can't forbid him. It wouldn't be fair or kind. However, there is no law that states I must like it."
"Are you afraid he'll leave you and come back to me? Is that it?" Heero taunted.
Zechs flinched, rather noticably.
I knew it. There is something that makes him think Duo would leave. Heero smirked. "I thought so, Zechs." The bell that ended the lunch period rang. "Well, I guess that's it. I'll be seeing you." He turned to go, but was stopped by a strong hand on his shoulder.
"I swear, if I see you touching him in any way that could be construed as anything other than friendly, you'll regret it."
"Uh huh. If you'll excuse me, I have class." Heero walked away. Make me regret it. Ha. I accept your challenge.
Duo nearly jumped when he saw Heero walk through the door and into the drama club meeting. "Heero! I never expected to see you here!"
"I thought it might be fun to try some acting." That, and a good way to try to get you back.
"Great!" Duo dragged him to the director. "Have anything Heero can do?"
The director handed them a scene. Duo looked at it and nodded. "Which part?"
"Heero can be Laura. I'd like you to be Amanda." [1]
Duo blinked. "Um, sure." He handed Heero the second copy, and they sat down to mark out some stage directions and practice a little before going onto the stage.
As they read their lines and followed their direction markings, Heero noticed Zechs walk quietly in and take a seat in the back of the room. He didn't let it interrupt him, though he could tell Duo was a little flustered at his presence.
When they finished, the director said, "That wasn't bad for a first try, Heero. I hope to see you back here next week." She handed each of them a commentary sheet.
Duo headed for the back, where his lover was waiting. "I saw you come in. I always get so nervous when you're here. I don't mind, though. I'm gonna need to get over this stage fright anyway, ne?" He hugged him.
Zechs smiled, momentarily breaking his glare with Heero. "Ready to head out?"
"No, I want to see Kevin, Joe and Mike do their scene from 'Long Day's Journey into Night.'"
"Alright. Want to see it closer?"
"Sure." They moved to the front and sat down in the row in front of Heero.
Zechs put his arm around Duo's shoulders.
Are you doing that to annoy me, or to show him your affection? Heero never thought it might be both.
Returning to his room, Heero wondered how long he'd be able to keep this up. I'll give it till next Friday. If he's not mine by then, I'll enact plan B.
Let me be the one who wants you
Let me be the one who's wearing your disguise
I'm the only thing that wants you
I'm the only thing that opens up your eyes.
Come get it
Had Heero believed in prayer, he would have prayed to get Duo back. Instead, he sat on his bed and silently willed Duo to return to him, willing his plans to work.
Thursday came and went; Duo was still happy with Zechs, and he didn't seem to be breaking. Friday. Monday. Still the same. I said I'd wait till Friday. This acting like someone else is starting to wear on me.
Heero maintained his false cheerfulness successfully through Wednesday.
Too much to believe
Less than all the truth
There's no sympathy
Still trapped by what surrounds you
At drama club, Heero watched as Duo bounced into Zechs' arms after he and Duo finished their scene. This isn't working. If it were working, he wouldn't be glued to Zechs right now. Hiding a frown, he stood up, bid his friend farewell, and went back to his room.
He had to rethink his strategy. Is this even going to work? I thought I would be able to show him I can change.
Forgetting your way too
I'll take you everywhere
I'll beg you, I'll save you
I'll make you everything
So let me be the one to clear your eyes
I am the one to tear down your disguise
Come get it.
Heero was never one to keep a journal, but that night, he picked up an old notebook and started writing.
I don't know if I can ever get Duo back. I've been trying to be an expressive, emotional person, but he's still glued to Zechs. I don't think I can act any longer. Duo, please... I miss your constant presence and cheerfulness. Since you left, this room has become more dark and dismal. The off-white walls seem even more dingy.He stopped writing and felt a hunger in his mouth, one he hadn't felt in days. He crossed the room, unlocked the door to a small cabinet, and removed a bottle. Unscrewing the cap, he inhaled the bitter vapors. He raised the bottle to his lips and drank. To love, unrequited.
[1] From "The Glass Menagerie" by Tennessee Williams. I had to act a scene from it in drama class in 9th grade, see, and I was told to play Amanda. My personality back then was far more like Laura....